[Defying Melanoma]

Mike and I met with MO today to determine my treatment plan. After going over all of the options, we’ve decided to go with the IL-2 immune therapy. It seems to be the best option for me and it still leaves the door open for other drugs if needed.

Next week I’ll have a PET scan and another MRI as well as blood work to make sure everything is ok to proceed and to set a baseline.  Then, the following Monday, I’ll be admitted to the hospital to start treatment.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned – the side effects freak me out.  I know that every patient is different, but we all know that have a “really bad flu” isn’t fun at all. I’m hopeful that the treatment will work, the side effects will be manageable and it won’t overall be too terrible. Good thoughts and prayers always appreciated!

Now, if anyone has been through IL-2 or similar – was there anything you took with you to the hospital that made it a little easier?

– Just for fun – a countdown until PET SCAN/MRI!

I hate waiting.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before.

My pain from the swollen lymph nodes is back with a vengeance and it’s making me very uncomfortable. Not only does it hurt up in my groin, but it spreads around my hip and down my leg, both inner and outer thigh. There are new areas of numbness as well.

I’m not very good at recovery. Many things have conspired against me (as usual). This time: huge blistery rash all up and down my back from the epidural and use of Tegaderm. Giant bruises from line in my wrist. Adhesive from tape caused rashes on my wrist and neck. An extra dose of Norco pain meds caused a rash, and I’m bruised all over my belly from the Lovenox shots I have to give myself every day. Is it any wonder I’m worried about treatment?

Tomorrow I’m going to get up for the first time in over 2 weeks and take the boys to school and attempt to go to work for a little while. Given my pain level last night and today, I doubt I’ll make it very long, but I have to try.

We have an appointment on the 18th to talk to my oncologist, MO, to determine our course of action.

He came to see me in the hospital and we talked briefly about my options, pre-pathology return, so we have an idea of what the options will be.  I don’t think he knows how to take me – he talks, I listen, ask a few questions and that’s it.  I don’t freak out, I don’t cry, I don’t scream.  I’m not sure if that’s more of what he is used to or what, but he always seems like he’s trying to figure me out. I kind of like that, I think.

Once we talk to MO, we’re going to sit down and talk to the boys. I am totally dreading that. We’ve been intentionally vague since my diagnosis, but given the pain and the treatments upcoming, we’re going to have to tell them more. DREAD. SUCK. UGH.

My recovery is going…slowly but surely. The mornings start out so well, but by mid-day I’m just sore and tired. It’s frustrating, but I’m staying in bed or on the chair. Now that my surgical scar is healing so well, my previous pain is coming back and that really sucks. But I am continuing to take it easy; I need to be healthy to face the next stage of this.

My fight with melanoma has honestly been fairly easy so far, but it’s becoming painfully obvious that since this surgery wasn’t entirely successful, the road ahead is going to require some serious fight. I’m scared of treatment – mostly of side effects. I know that I’ll be in good hands at UMCCC, but the unknown is always scary.

Ok, so here’s the thing….surgery sucks, and it didn’t go as well as planned or anticipated. I should have guessed when I passed out during pre-op, but alas, I did not. I mean, it’s ok…it will be ok, but not as well as planned. You know when the surgeon is disappointed that you should be, too.

[The passing out thing: I went with the epidural for pain...apparently, in the interest of time, the anesthesiology team decided to try to put the epidural in AND do my line in my radial artery at the same time. My heart wasn't crazy about that so I passed right out. I woke up to the group of anesthesiologists surrounding me, bright light above, saying "welcome back!"]

Once they verified that I was healthy enough (!) for surgery, things moved ahead. Of course, I remember being wheeled into the operating room and then nothing until they kept telling me to wake up in recovery. (I like to sleep with all of those lovely drugs in me!).

One of my lymph nodes decided to go all rogue and wrap itself around a couple of very important veins/vessels. A specialist was called in to the OR, but he wasn’t crazy about the potential for damage, so it was decided to grab a couple nodes that were in need of removing and close me back up.

The intention now is to go to some sort of medical treatment (drugs) to shrink that jackass node down and maybe go in for it surgically later.

Here’s the thing…I was totally expecting some sort of drugs afterward to make sure we get ALL OF THE CELLS this time. So the only major difference is that I may have to have another surgery (suck!).

Also, the ovary that we thought was cancer-filled and needed to be removed was just fine, so that actually is good news…I got to keep it, plus it doesn’t have any cancer in it…which means the melanoma is currently sticking to the lymph nodes and not jumping into other places. YAY for non-jumping melanoma! hehe

So, just to summarize:

-a couple of lymph nodes were removed during surgery
- a rogue node is loving up on my veins and we have to shrink it before it can be removed
- my ovary is fine! The rogue node was all pretending to be my ovary where in fact, my ovary is fine
- this means that the cyst back in September was just that and a complete coincidence

My incision sucks because it’s from belly button down to c-sect scar…makes it hard to get up! Also, my fabulous surgeon didn’t remove any of my belly fat, so that kind of sucks. I mean really, no bonus program here?!

I’ve FINALLY reached the one week mark until surgery! Who gets excited about surgery?! THIS GIRL. Would like cancer removed as soon as possible please so that we can move on to the next step, whether it’s chemo or drugs or whatever. Hate not knowing what is next. Hell, I don’t even know how long I’ll be in the hospital! (I’m a little bit of a control freak).

I’m pretty much ready for it. I’ve got my office all supplied, a webcam set up so we can Skype, and a laptop table ready to built so I can work from wherever I am recovering. I have books downloaded, movies and tv shows on my iPad and comfy clothes at the ready.

Now….to get through the next seven days.

My doctor prescribed me some lovely drugs to help me sleep and to take away the crazy nerve pains…now if only they would get rid of this stupid cold I have!!

I’ve been in a fair amount of pain today. It’s deep in my hip and my leg and the numbness that I’ve had for almost 3 years seems to have spread a bit. In addition, I keep getting these little electrical shock type pains in my inner thigh.  MO says it’s not unexpected. Maybe not to him, hehe.

The electrical pulses are what get me. I can handle the hip pain and the numbness, but the pulses cause a hitch in my breath.

11 more days.