I’m in a fair amount of pain tonight. Have been for a few hours. It’s funny how now that I know that my nodes are swollen and the cause of my pains how stupid I feel.
It didn’t even occur to me to follow up with my oncologist after my cyst episode in late September.
It didn’t even occur to me that my pain might not be another cyst. When your OBGYN says “Oh, with that pain, you should have come right in here“, it’s silly to think ‘Oh, I better check with my oncologist!’
When the pain moves around to your back and hip and you’re known for sleeping oddly and have a history of lower back pain, it’s silly not to go to the chiropractor.
And when your PCP mentions that there was a notation of potential cancer in the ER notes, but nothing from the OBGYN or anyone else, it’s silly not to think “Well, they said it wasn’t and so did the OBGYN”.
But hindsight? Hindsight is different. Looking back has me thinking:
Why didn’t I insist on follow-up testing from the OBGYN?
Why didn’t I make sure that my cancer team had a copy of my CT scan from the ER and the ultrasound from the ER and my OBGYN?
Why didn’t I go see SOMEONE in the beginning of January when the pain came back so bad that I was near tears on a heating pad when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Why did I insist on seeing the Chiropractor over and over without thinking it was something else?
I have a freaking history of CANCER. I have had lymph nodes removed. Why didn’t I notice that my leg was swelling a little more than usual?
Ah, hindsight. You’re a bitch.